Marriage Is Hard But It’s Always Worth The Work

Just about two weeks ago, Mr. Divine walked out on his family. His reasons were that he wasn’t happy and he didn’t want to try anymore. Not very strong reasons, but he felt validated in leaving none the less. Nothing I said, did or apologized for helped. He was determined to walk out and abandon his wife and child no matter what. He did not look back, immediately putting in an address change request and telling me he wanted all his stuff.

The last few weeks have been a total nightmare as one could expect. Little Divine is a huge mess, and she misses her dad. Beyond that, she is utterly disappointed in him for what he did. She hurting and acts out every day. She has a hard time getting anything done and prefers to get lost in her books. I had to sign her up for counseling because having the only father you’ve ever known walk out on you is devastating. Having it happen for no good reason is even worse. I don’t want her to have abandonment issues because of what he did. She’s had a really good, trauma free life so far. I don’t want that ruined and her permanently scarred. Even with counseling, the wounds he inflicted will always be in her heart.

Marriage is hard. Mr. Divine and I have been together almost 3 years. That is such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things. We had many, MANY more years to come together as a family. Mr. Divine has had a hard life and has been abandoned by almost everyone in his life. He’s spent his whole life being unwanted and unloved. That does a lot of damage to a person. It creates a lot of baggage and issues that if not addressed, can destroy your life. I’ve got my own baggage from my personal history including a lot of trauma I’ve done my best to heal from. The difference between Mr. Divine and I is that I have actively looked to heal myself and get better.

Our society tells me to suck everything up and deal with it. It doesn’t allow them to have emotions or hurt over wrongs that were done to them. They are expected to take the hits and brush them off like nothing. They aren’t allowed to be wounded or scarred. They are expected to be Teflon. This does no one good. We are raising men who have no idea how to deal with the crap going on with them. They cannot communicate, they cannot express emotions, they bottle everything up and don’t deal with their issues. This creates broken marriages and broken homes.

We do a HUGE disservice to human kind when we treat our boys and men like this. We are fostering broken people remaining broken, and putting that brokenness into everything they do and touch. It’s not healthy and it needs to stop. Boys and men need to be allowed to feel emotions and express themselves. They need to be shown that communicating in a healthy way is a good thing no matter what your gender. They need to be allowed to be soft and not always expected to just tough things out.

Mr. Divine lived in a world full of people who didn’t help him be the best man he could. I was the one exception to that. I saw who he was, brokenness and all, and I chose to love him as he was. Did that mean I didn’t want him to be the best person he could be? No! My job, as any spouse’s job is, is to love him and try to help him be the best man he can. My job is most importantly to love him no matter what. This goes against a lot of current opinion in society that women need to not take a man’s crap and they should walk away from men who don’t do what they want.

I’m old fashioned and I do not believe that is the right attitude to create healthy relationships and marriages. “The grass is greener….” attitude is harmful to both genders. Walking away and quitting over small things, like arguing, is harmful. When you choose to be with a person you commit to them and you commit to your relationship even during the hardest times. You don’t quit on a person for making a mistake or hurting you.

Which is why I love Mr. Divine and always will. I had a friend make it very clear that she thinks what he did is horrible and that she does not want me to give him another chance ever again. She was so adamant in her stance, that she started distancing herself from me over having normal emotions over our situation, and mostly I think it’s because she wanted me to hate him and never want him back.

I can’t do that. That’s not who I am. It’s not who I choose to be. I choose to love my husband. I choose to forgive him. I choose to stand by his side even when he walks away from me and cuts all ties.

That’s the woman I want to be.

My walk is not yours. You have to make your own decisions about what is best for you in your situation. For me, I’ve spent my life carrying the heaviest weights of life. I am a very strong woman and life seems to think that means I should get the hardest trials. I am very used to going through hell and making it out just fine eventually. That is a part of my purpose and journey in life. I’m able to bear the weight and keep standing.

As I said above, marriage is hard. Mr. Divine and I stopped communicating well at least a month before he left. Mr. Divine was going through a lot of serious life situations and I think it was a lot for him to handle. Neither one of us was wanting to upset the other, so we both kept saying we were fine. We hurt our relationship by doing that. We went to bed angry, and even slept in separate rooms at times. That was also extremely harmful to our relationship. We stopped REALLY talking to each other.

Eventually he got to a point where all of the things going on were overwhelming him and he just didn’t want to deal anymore. No, this is not the healthy way to handle life but it’s the way he chose to do it. I let him go simply because that’s what he wanted. I did what I could to try to talk him out of it but he was determined to be stubborn in his poor decision. That’s his choice, one he will have to live with for the rest of his life. One he will have haunt him for the rest of his life.

He is welcome home at any time. Things will not go back to what they were before, they can’t. We need marriage counseling. And there will need to be remedies for the damage and broken trust caused. But I will always have my door open to him whenever he wants to come home. I choose to be the woman who does that instead of the woman who throws him away like every single person he’s ever had in his life has done to him.

Everyone deserves to be loved. Even the people who are the hardest to love. Even the people who hurt you the most and break your heart. It’s a choice to love those people and it’s one I choose to make.

I let Mr. Divine go 100%. I sent the last messages I would to him, then I deleted all the messages as well as his contact info. I won’t contact him again. The ball is in his court and it will remain that way. I will be the woman he loves and keep our family and our home running on my own. I’ve taken care of myself on my own most of my life so it’s nothing new for me. Mr. Divine was the one time in life I got to really share my life and world with someone else. I’m sad he chose to end that.

Most importantly, I hope one day he realizes that he made a mistake and remembers all he had.

And I hope he chooses to come home.

We both had our friends fail our relationship. His buddies screwed him over by not telling him to go home and make it work. They did him no good by their actions. They failed as friends and they will be stuck with that knowledge for the rest of their lives, that they helped destroy a family for no reason. Those people are people I will never trust again. They made a choice and they are responsible for it. They will forever live with what they did and the lives they destroyed.

My own friends who have been hurtful to me over still loving him, they also have blame they hold. They tried to force me to do and see things as they wanted without any interest in how we feel. They then distanced themselves from us because we refused to hate him and give up on him. That’s not friendship. You choose to be there for friends, not demand they do things your way or you stop being there for them. I will never forget the friends who put us in that situation. When we needed them the most, they chose to fail us because we still chose to love the man who we shared every single day with.

I’m disappointed all around in the people who know and how much they let us all down. I’ve got a daughter who is broken and hurting, and all she wants is her dad back. I haven’t eaten much in weeks. One friend told me she could tell how much weight I’ve lost in just a week. I’m a mess. I miss my husband. I am angry and hurt and so very sad. My life has been shattered and my heart ripped to shreds.

And none of this had to happen. It was all over a few arguments during a time when a lot was going on in our lives. There was no need for it to go like this. It was all such a waste. What we had was a love story for the books. It was incredible how we fell in love right away. We were best friends, lovers, and soul mates. Our life was so amazing together. Yes, we had some really hard times, but the majority of them were really good. And as time went on, our foundation got stronger and we kept conquering any issues that got in our way.

It always got better. Mr. Divine lost sight of that along the way. I’m so very sad for him because what an awful feeling to lose hope.

I won’t quit hoping. I have faith in our love and in us. I trust that we met and fell in love for a reason. And most importantly, I want him to know that I won’t ever quit on him. Years can go by and I still won’t quit on him. I will always see the best in him because I know him in a way no one else ever has. I will always love him because I will always feel he deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves at least one person who is completely committed to them and won’t ever quit on them. I will always be that for Mr. Divine.

Keep working on your marriage. Day in and day out do the work to make it amazing. Talk, really talk. Be open with each other and never go to bed mad. Wake up each morning giving the day a fresh start and wiping the slate clean. Value all the good there is in each other. Love each other unconditionally. Never quit on each other. Believe in the love you share and the foundation you’ve built. Trust one another. Put your family first. Don’t ever stop putting in the hard work because in 10  years it will all have been so worth it.

Stay strong through the hardships in life. Trust in the process and look for what you can learn through the experience. Remember, you are so very strong even when you don’t feel that way. Keep going forward even when all you can do it crawl. If you need support, I will be here for you the best I can. I know what it’s like to hurt and struggle. I also know that you can survive this and come out the other side. I have faith in you.

Don’t forget to check out my Esty Shoppe featuring unique and one of a kind items! Dragon Fire Rose

My Etsy Shoppe Can Now Ship Internationally!

I’m ecstatic right now! I found a way to make international shipping for my small jewelry business a reality and without extreme extra costs!

I had been keeping my sales to the United States only, but I recently sold a Southwestern style set to a gentleman who’s wife works in London. He said that they adore her Southwester jewelry where she works and ask to buy it off of her! He suggested I find a way to ship my pieces internationally because he felt it would open up the market more for me.

A little about this business – I have been running Dragon Fire Rose since 2013. We’ve done everything from selling Lego figures to selling kids gift sets to selling jewelry. I have the creative bug in my soul and I just *LOVE* coming up with new ideas of fun things to sell!

I started making very simple fashion earrings. Nothing fancy, just cute little charms on silver plated hooks. I sell them super cheap because I understand now everyone has a huge budget for accessories. Some of us scrimp and save just to supply our family’s basic needs. I get that 100%!

I kept going to the jewelry supply shops and would just have my breath taken away by the amazing pieces I saw there. I wanted to turn them into something so badly! I eventually took the plunge and followed my heart. In winter 2016 I began hand making jewelry sets. Again, I kept budget in mind and used a mix of plated pieces to keep prices for customers low. I understand that finances come first! I include a fee pair of my fashion earrings with each set. I believe that giving a little extra blesses someone and sends good karma forward!

I’ve been working on my designs and ways to keep prices low. I also take a few sets and make them higher end for the folks looking to spend more. I have a GORGEOUS amethyst set waiting to be made! I am planning to use sterling silver on the set and I found a lovely Italian purse in a silver shade that I want to pair with it for the ultimate set!

A little about me – I worked full time as a nanny until last September. I had a nasty fall in the end of summer last year that was “supposed” to heal within a couple of months. It hasn’t…. I deal with daily pain and so far I have no answers as to why. I’ve been seeing a specialist, a hand surgeon, who still can’t find the cause. So I live with pain every single day. I go to bed with pain and I wake up with pain. I don’t have full use of my right hand anymore. It’s just a part of my life now.

My jewelry business has been a way for me to try and find another way to provide an income for my family. Now I can only nanny part time. I currently work maybe once a week as I try to find more families in my town who need just once or twice a week care. I make jewelry and I paint because I truly love doing it and creating beauty fulfills me. It brings me joy to take a mix of pieces and turn them into a beautiful thing!

Now you can see why I am so excited that I can ship internationally! It means opening a wider door for my business. I plan to expand my art work this coming week with pages of old books with a print of some sort on the front. There is beauty to be found everywhere – you just have to find the person who sees the beauty in it!

If you love jewelry or artwork, if you know anyone who does, please share the link to my Etsy Shoppe. I know A LOT of people ask that kind of thing. I shared a little of my story to hopefully explain why it would mean the world to me!

I am not one to look upon this experience as a time to quit and live in misery. I look at this experience as a way to grow and expand myself. Living day to day with pain is not fun. It is not something I wish anyone to experience. Yet I STILL work hard to be productive and help my family! I refuse to quit, I refuse to give up. I will keep working however I can, and I will find my success!

Limitations hit you in life when you least expect the. I had no idea a simple fall would cause me daily pain that has lasted almost a year already. I had no idea it would change my life. Limitations will strike you at the most inopportune moments. They will hit you hard and they will hurt. They will bring you to your knees and make you question everything.

But remember – YOU HAVE TO GET BACK UP. Don’t lay down, don’t quit, don’t stop. GET BACK UP. You can fight. You can push forward.  You can find balance again. It hurts and it’s hard. It takes more work than words can express. But you have to get back up. You are stronger than you know. You can find your way again. Hang onto that hope even in the darkest hours. You are so amazing and I am so proud of you even when you fall back down again!

I want you all to know I appreciate each one of you, though I’ve never met you in person. And I want you to know you are loved and you are amazing! Thank you for being apart of this blog and thank you to those who choose to share my Etsy Shoppe info!

Remember, you can survive all that life throws at you. You are stronger than you ever imagined.

Dragon Fire Rose Creations – A place where beauty and art live!

It’s Time To Say Goodbye

I sit here at my desk, eating chocolate, and saying goodbye.

I’ve reached that place where I’m fully letting go of so much. I feel 2017 is the year of change – and I really need to start embracing that. I can’t keep holding onto how things were. I can’t keep holding onto the past or the ways I used to do things. Everything has changed, and is currently changing. I have to be in that moment, fully present in it.

It’s time to say goodbye.

The song of that name from the RWBY soundtrack was playing in my head my whole drive home this afternoon. It just felt like the theme song to everything right now. Following that is the song, This Will Be the Day, also from RWBY.

I’ve known since the end of last year that things were changing in my life A LOT. I could see it, feel it. Friendships were ending. Life was changing. Career paths unsure. New memories being made. Dreams being realized.

Today was yet another reminder of how much life changes. I said goodbye to an old friend who I drifted apart from a long time ago. Her moving felt like the final goodbye for me. I got a little closure and got to send her best wishes on her new journey in life.

I was saddened by it, but I also felt we were very different people and had very different lives now. And it reminded me how much I’ve seen that in relationships in the last year. I’ve grown and changed so much, and now I’m seeing the evidence in the goodbyes happening in life.

I have to be accepting of this though. These are things that NEED to happen. I have grown apart from these people and it’s not right for them to be in my world anymore. It pains me so much, but I can’t cling to what I know isn’t right for either of us.

When we refuse to let go, we hold ourselves back from new doors opening in our world. We hinder ourselves by desperately grabbing onto what you want things to be instead of what they are. We aren’t getting to see all that is out there for us.

It hurts when things change. It hurts to say goodbye. It hurts when doors close. It hurts when everything is different. But you have to focus on the good behind it. Things change so new things can bloom in your life. You have to remember that and find a peace about letting go. The sadness and hurt is temporary. Put your focus on the exciting unknown to come! Open yourself up to possibility and new dreams.

Right now I am going to cry, because the hurt is there and I am grieving my goodbyes. Tomorrow I will wake up and look forward to all of what is to come, and embrace all of these new changes in life. I will be excited for all the wonderful possibilities out there for me! I will have hope and faith in the future. I will open myself for new experiences and willingly embrace the newness.

But today, today I am going to eat chocolate while I listed to RWBY songs and cry. ❤

Savor The Quiet Moments

It’s early and I’m the only one awake. I like times like these, mornings like these, because I get to enjoy the quiet. Life is so busy, so active. We are always doing something, going somewhere, living our lives. It feels like we don’t get many moments of just quiet. Moments to unwind, moments to relax.

Mornings are the time I usually get by myself. I seem to have an internal alarm clock that has me up by 7:45am even on the weekends. If I’ve gotten enough sleep the night before, I’ll go ahead and get up early. If not, I can usually fall back asleep.

Today was one of those early mornings. My house is quiet, everyone else is asleep. The weather here has been unpredictable. Yesterday it rained all day. I woke up this morning to a soft fall of rain and snow on all the cars. It snowed up in the mountains a lot. We are having what looks to be a mid Spring winter!

I’ve put the coffee on and as I wait for it, I work around the house with only the sound of the rain falling softly in the background. It’s really wonderful. The quiet is a good time to reflect and feel centered after a long week. It’s a good time to not have to talk or interact with anyone. It’s peaceful and calming for me.

When we don’t set aside down time for ourselves it can affect us. We need time to recharge, time to de-stress, time to unwind. Even the most go go go people need this, even if it’s just a small amount of time. If I don’t get these moments I am a lot more snappy and less patient. I’ve reached my limit of stimulus and doing things. I just need a breather.

I recommend finding some YOU time. Take a nice hot bath. Chill out and listen to the bubbles of your bubble bath pop. Take an evening with a glass of wine in front of the fireplace and just listen to the sounds of the fire. Sit outside and watch the stars. Do yoga outside while the sun rises over you. Or get up early in the morning like I do and enjoy the quiet of the house and the morning sounds outside.

Find what works for YOU. What will feed your soul, unwind you, and bring you calmness. Each person is different and what works for one may not work for another. I think you are very important and so is your well-being. Make you sure you are remembering to take some time for you so you can be at your best and feel at your best. It’s okay to do things just for you! We cannot give and be there for others if we are running on empty all the time.

Sometimes you just need to stop and breathe. Relax. Find your peace of mind. ❤

Healthy Changes for the New Year

img1483638132507

A new year means a host of people talking about changes they will make in life. This is nothing new, we all do this every year and  have for a very long time. A lot of people make negative comments about being sick of hearing, “New Year, New Me” from others. I don’t think it’s ever healthy to put folks down for wanting to better themselves. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, someone deciding to do better is ALWAYS a good thing!

I began working on myself after having Little Divine. At the time I was a young single mom and my life was a mess. I made a lot of poor life decisions and it was time to start cleaning them up. I’ve spent the last 11 years doing exactly that. It didn’t happen overnight. There were many times where I would improve one area and leave another area still stuck in bad patterns. It wasn’t an all at once process. It took me a very long time to get to a place where I could fully look at myself and my life, and work on many things at once.

It also took a very long time to see all the areas where I had faults and be humble enough to work on them. Admitting you need work in an area…. or ten…. is not easy for a lot of people, myself included. I am where I am today, and who I am today, because I was committed to working hard on myself even when it hurt.

I am far from finished! Not even close. But I have come leaps and bounds from the scared girl with a new baby, completely unsure how to life and adult in her new situation as a mom. Today I am confident in who I am as a person. I’ve learned SO much in life and I try to keep my eyes open and be aware of things in my world. Daily I try to improve myself as a person so I can grow better and better, and be a better person for those I know! ❤

I have many goals for this new year! One of our family goals is to eat a little less junk. I’m sure that is on a lot of goal lists for the year for many folks. Our world is a very different place now. Cheap and easy junk is readily available at very low prices. We don’t farm our own food for meals anymore. We rely on stores and restaurants to feed us.

We are looking forward to when we can buy a home with some acreage in the mountains nearby. When we do, we fully intend to learn how to grow our own food. Mr. Divine and his friend already hunt yearly and bring home a huge amount of meat doing so. I’d like to see us be able to do more at home as well. This will be a huge help in the, “eating less junk” goal because you can’t grow a cake in the backyard!

In the mean time, we are starting with small changes. Starting small is the best way to meet goals because you don’t overwhelm yourself. Our goal is to eat less junk, not stop eating all unhealthy things altogether. That would be such a daunting task!! I started off our new goal with a simple shopping trip to Costco. Now, normally I shop for sales and deals on all thing, ESPECIALLY food, but this week I was just so tired and spent from all we had going on.

Costco sells in bulk and often the prices are better than buying smaller amounts in the grocery stores. This is not always the case, which is why I check my sales sheets weekly. I shop the best deals and work my meals plans around them so I can spend as little as possible on the best food possible.

My goal for this week was simple – buy some produce to replace junk snacks in lunches. That was it! I picked up apples, oranges, celery, bananas and carrots. Done! While this requires I cut up things for each lunch, it’s worth the small bit of extra work to know I’m giving my family healthier food. We had been getting small snacks prepackaged that were quick and easy to add to a lunch. I’m still sending those here and there with the healthier foods just to get them gone.

I don’t like wasting food so I don’t throw it in the trash. I’d rather we eat it and it be gone, then we can focus on the other stuff. Or even throw one in here and there as a rare treat. That way no one feels deprived and it makes it a much more special item in their lunches!

Small steps will help you reach your goals! Remember to revel and celebrate in each goal you reach, no matter how small! Every step you take and every goal you meet is amazing! You should be VERY proud of yourself for working hard for yourself and doing better for YOU! ❤

cooltext177153714075149

Post Holiday Kitchen Deep Clean

img1483471287940

I didn’t know my fingers hurt until I started typing just now! I spent 4 hours this morning deep cleaning my kitchen and I think my body is now on strike. Mr. Divine had a week and a half off from work for the Christmas and New Year’s holidays. We had a fabulous Christmas and have been relaxing and enjoying family time this past week and a half. Today marked his first day back to work and my first day back to the daily grind on his work days.

I had a little cleaning to catch up on, but with the chaos of December I hadn’t had time to do as much around the house as I wanted to. I try to deep clean rooms at least once a month, but sometimes more time goes by. I really wanted to scrub the kitchen down since it was used so much for holiday meals and because everyone was home most of the day for a week and a half.

Four hours later and I am exhausted! I got serious about my cleaning though. I got out the toothpicks for detailing and everything! (^.~) The kitchen looks great and I am glad to be done! I like deep cleaning because stuff builds up, especially in a room like the kitchen. You don’t always notice where things splash or drip so a good deep clean helps get everything clean even in the hard to see places.

I’ve also found that the more often I spot clean, the less it takes during my deep clean. I didn’t have time for a deep clean in December so it took a lot of time today. If I make a note to try to do a little extra cleaning here and there throughout the month, my deep cleans will be a bit easier on me.

Also, Little Divine had been missing a few places with her daily chores as well. One part of her chores is to sweep and mop the kitchen with the Swiffer mop, and to wipe down the counters. I found some spots along the base-boards and on the floor she had missed and I let her know that it’s important to make sure spots aren’t skipped so they don’t get even yuckier. Kids are kids, they will not do the most meticulous job ever. However, they won’t learn how to do better with something unless you show them how and remind them when needed.

I pulled Little Divine into the kitchen and showed her the areas she had been skipping that she needed to do with her daily cleaning. I wasn’t mean or harsh, I just showed her what it should look like clean and how to get it done. Hopefully she remembers to work on those areas as well!

You can’t have a post about cleaning without talking about your supplies. My supplies are not fancy by any means but I have found that they work very well for us! Here is my supply round-up!

Cleaning Spray – I try to avoid anything with harsh chemicals as Little Divine uses these products to clean too. The simplest method I’ve found for a good cleaning spray is to take a full size spray bottle and fill up to where the neck of the bottle starts to thin with distilled white vinegar (from the grocery store). I then add about 2 tablespoons of blue Dawn dish soap to it and put the lid back on. I gently turn the bottle to mix them together, I don’t shake it or it makes a ton of bubbles. This cleaner not only cleans well but it also disinfects and it doesn’t contain anything harsh! The vinegar smell fades after a few minutes. We have a spray bottle full of this mix in each bathroom and the kitchen.

Counter Cleaning – Occasionally I will use peppermint castile soap to clean the tops of my counters. I wet a cloth or paper towel and add just a drop or 2 on it before wiping the counters down. You don’t need much to get the counters clean and it leaves a nice peppermint smell in the kitchen. DO NOT MIX CASTILE SOAP WITH VINEGAR TO MAKE A SPRAY! The combination is a nasty, gloppy mess that cannot be used. I learned this the hard way. I will use one or the other but not both at the same time.

Scrubbing – When you have stuck on stuff, a stainless steel scrubber will get just about anything off! Be careful that you don’t use it on surfaces that it will remove paint from. Some counters are laminate and it could scratch the design/printing off. Same with the pain on your stove. They can be a pain to clean food out of but I’ve found that putting them in a sink full of hot water and swishing them around gets most everything out. I feel this works better than just running them under water alone. Swishing them around while immersed gets water moving throughout the scrubber and gets more debris out. These are super long-lasting if you keep them clean! We also run ours through the dishwasher as well, to help with both cleaning and to sanitize it.

Sponges – I try to use reusable items as much as I can while cleaning. Sometimes you just need a throw away item like a paper towel. Generally though, I use these great washable dish sponges that do a fabulous job! One side is rougher for scrubbing and the other side is softer. We run these through the dishwasher several times a week to keep them extra clean. They can last a long time and have replaced our disposable sponges!

Mopping – We currently use a Swiffer wet mop for daily cleaning, though I will hand clean the base-boards and areas under the cabinets because I don’t feel it cleans those well. It’s more of a daily light cleaner than a heavy-duty cleaner. Ours sprays cleaner out and is light enough that Little Divine (10) can carry it around and use it. Our family feels the orange cleaning spray works the best for our needs. It cleans well, smells good, and doesn’t leave a residue on our floors.

Small DetailingToothpicks! They are so low-cost but they are perfect for tiny areas where grime and dust build up, like knobs on the stove. I will wet a toothpick and use it to clean out those time spots. If the space is a bit bigger I will cover the top of the toothpick with a damp paper towel and use it to get in harder to reach spaces like behind the knobs on the stove. They aren’t super durable so I went through about 10 toothpicks today alone, but they get the job done in spaces I couldn’t get super clean with rags and cloths. I buy my toothpicks in the little containers that are round or square so they can be stored easily and kept clean.

After Care – My hands get destroyed from cleaning  and I feel it’s too hard to do the work wearing gloves. Instead I use a really great hand cream after I’m done cleaning. This is super important if you are going to be cleaning without gloves. I use a hand cream rather than a lotion because I feel it is thicker and repairs better. Look for ingredients in a hand cream that will nourish your skin well! I tend to like something with a little fruity smell for a little wake up and perk up scent after all my hard work. (^.^)

If you have a favorite cleaning product, let me know what it is and why you love it so much! ❤

cooltext177153714075149

The Sound of Closing Doors

img1482512472190

Do you ever feel like doors to a path in life are closing for you? Sometimes you see it coming, sometimes it is very unexpected. I’m there right now. I’ve spent most of my life working with children. Even when I was one, I was babysitting and tutoring. I spent my life working with kids on and off in one way or another. After I had Little Divine 10 and a half years ago, I tried to go to work away from her. I was a single mom, my mother had dumped me in this state when she was supposed to take us with her so I could finish school and work from home doing Medical Transcription. Since she failed to do that, I ended up taking a retail job and putting my newborn in daycare. It was an absolutely shitty position to be in and I cried every single day. There are no nice words to express the place I was put in. It was miserable. :/

Thankfully a girl at the daycare recommend I just apply for a job there. I had past childcare experience so I went for it and I got hired. I spent the next 4 years working in daycare. It had a lot of rewards but I was at a place that took advantage of the hard workers and mistreated a lot of employees. They ended up dealing with a lot of legal issues for many years after that because of their lack of respect for the rules and for human beings.

After I left the daycare, I decided to do home childcare. From 2011 till 2016 I worked from home watching children. I’ve seen so many kiddos grow up in those years! I’ve been blessed to be a part of each one of their lives. ❤ There were both good and bad moments. Many times I struggled to bring in enough income. I live in a very low income state so it was hard to get paid well doing childcare. Yet with a little one of my own, other work wasn’t an option since I also couldn’t afford childcare on the pay I could get from jobs I would qualify for.

We had years of good pay and years of struggling. But we stuck with it through it all because I loved what I did and it gave me the freedom to stay home with Little Divine and see her grow. There is nothing I would trade for those moments! I got to see all of her firsts and I got to be there for everything. As a single parent, that is very rare!

The last two years I mostly worked with one kiddo. He had a lot of behavioral issues and was asked to leave his preschool. We had a hard time with his family as his dad was a jerk, plain and simple, and his parents were split up so we were often put in the middle of bad situations. Dad complained all the time about paying me, despite the fact that I discounted my rates for them and I was barely making it off the pay. They would constantly change their schedules and hours last minute, often giving me zero notice. They didn’t want to pay cancellation fees or deal with paying for last minute schedule changes. I often got different stories and times from each parent. All their instability created extra issues for their son who did not need any of that.

When I sent him off to kindergarten this past August I was exhausted. They had sucked all the joy out of childcare for me. They drained me completely. The idea of watching kids exhausted me. I decided to take a break for a bit. We had tons of stuff left over to sell from my resale business and I was making my $2 fashion earrings that seemed to sell well. I had saved up a bit over the last couple of months because I had a feeling I would need a break. I just didn’t have anything left to give after that.

Since then I feel like the doors to childcare are closing for me. I don’t know if it’s because we haven’t found the right family yet or if it’s because I am meant to do something else. I have been applying for jobs on Care.com weekly but so far no go on any of the ones I feel would work for us.

I got another message today telling me they found someone else. I keep feeling like I’m supposed to focus elsewhere. A few weeks ago I took my jewelry making to a new level and started making higher cost sets that people seem to really love. Apparently I have a really good eye for it and I’ve been told I’m great at my craft! For someone new to it, that’s a huge compliment! ❤

Maybe this is what I’m supposed to do instead. I honestly don’t know. I wish life came with clear signs in the direction you should take! Instead I am working on selling off all the resale items left and everything we don’t need  in the house. Little Divine has been bringing down hoards of toys from her room for me to sell as she’s getting older and is weeding out what she doesn’t use. We have a small income coming in from that and now I’m  slowly selling jewelry sets. Eventually I want to work on refinishing furniture too. And I am working on my photo editing and photography work.

I’ve always felt my creative pursuits benefit me the most and I really, REALLY love doing work involving them! Maybe this is why the doors to what I’ve done just to make it through the last few years keep closing. Maybe it’s time to find something new that I truly love. Mr. Divine tells me often that he wants me to find something I love to do. I love him for so many reasons but that is one of them. He doesn’t care if I make millions. He wants me to do what I love and succeed at it!

So I start off the holiday weekend with hope for my jewelry business to bloom into more, and more new doors to open for my life! I have hope for the next year to bring more joy and more happiness in whatever work I do. I look forward to seeing what doors will open as these ones close. I’m very excited to see what happens! ❤

cooltext177153714075149

 

Pay The Blessings Forward

Today was a special day for me. I received a message from the woman who purchased a jewelry set from me this weekend. It was the first set I had sold on Etsy before and she asked me to get it to her before Christmas. I got it ready on Saturday and shipped it out. Before mailing it, I added an extra little pair of earrings with it because I believe in doing a little something nice with every order. It’s my way of saying, “Thank you!” to each person who has supported my business. I adore my customers and I love them for seeing the value in what we make! ❤

This sweet customer wrote me today, telling me that the extra earrings I sent had more meaning than I knew. She had lost a dear friend a few years back and the earrings were the same symbol as she had for the person she lost. I cried when I read her message! I had no idea when I picked them out for her package, they just seemed to be the right fit. And I ended up blessing her by that gesture and doing something special for her.

Folks this is a reminder to pay things forward. Little bits of kindness no matter how small can change someone’s whole day. They can bless their lives in a way you can’t imagine. You may think it’s not much, but to someone else it could mean the whole world. ❤

Life is hard and ugly. Anything that we can do to make it a little less so is so vital. Hold doors open for people. Help elderly folks take out their groceries. Pay for the person’s food behind you at the fast food place. Send an extra gift to someone for no reason. Smile at cashiers and tell them thank you for their hard work. Anything you can do to put more good in the world for others!

I got nothing out of this experience today other than a blessed heart and happiness. I don’t do any of these things expecting gains in return. I do it because life is hard and ugly. And so many times I didn’t have any kindness in my world when I could have used it. So I do it for others because I want to be the person I needed through my hard times. I want to be the good I didn’t have around me when things were dark.

The quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” from Mahatma Gandhi is monumental. All the times you look back on your life with sadness or bitterness, because you needed something that you didn’t get, those are the things to do now for others. You know how it feels to desperately need some show of kindness or love. Do that for others. Be that person who lights up someone’s day by a simple gesture. Do it because it builds who you are up as a person and it blesses you because you blessed someone else.

My first sale on Etsy will be something I always remember because of this special moment! I did something to bless another person and I didn’t even know I was doing it! It changed everything about this sale and made it all the more special to me. I couldn’t have asked for anything better! ❤

cooltext177153714075149

Motivational Monday – Work For Your Dreams

On Saturday morning Mr. Divine and I got up and Little Divine wasn’t up yet. I made us coffee and we both sat down at our desks. Our desks are side by side (so sweet!) and we often do games together so it’s nice to be nearby. I always check my email in the morning and check Facebook for sales, etc. One of my favorite people right now is Jamie Primak Sullivan, author of The Southern Education of a Jersey Girl. I listen to her morning videos and check out the inspirational and motivational stuff she shares on her Facebook page. She’s been a huge reminder to me that there ARE good quality people out there, you just have to be patient and not accept crappy people in your life until you find them.

This weekend her video was about, “Why not you?” and she talked about how there’s no reason you can’t be the one to have your dreams. I really felt it hit home with me because I’ve been going through a lot of self-doubt lately with putting childcare on the back burner and trying to focus more on making jewelry and photos. It’s very scary to take a leap into something new when you aren’t sure what will happen! Plus I had several friends who were supposed to support me or who had ordered items from me that ended up flaking and letting me down. Not only did that hurt me as a person, but it hurt my business.

I got a lot from watching her video and it reminded me that I CAN succeed in my dream if I keep at it and I can keep confidence in it. I think the big thing we need to remember is that our dreams can’t happen while we sit on the couch dreaming them. We have to be fully committed to MAKING them happen, and that takes work! You can to put yourself behind what you are doing 100% and put in the effort to accomplish it. I think that’s where a lot of people lose their vision, because there is so much work involved.

Everything in life takes work. This is something we teach Little Divine constantly because we don’t want her to have the mentality of so many others out there who don’t want to put in any effort for anything. Life takes hard work! You don’t get where you are going by not doing hard work. Anything good in life will take lots of hard work. And the rewards from it will be totally worth it!

I sat at my desk next to Mr. Divine and he heard the theme of the video I was listening too. He asked me if I had seen the Shia Labeouf motivational video, which I had not. Let me tell you, it’s a hoot! Shia is a *unique* character. His motivational video is him in front of a green screen, screaming at you to just do what you need to do. I have to say, as silly as his video was, it definitely can be a good motivator! Having something tell you to, “JUST DO IT!!!” has a way of getting your blood pumping to get something done!

Taking what I got from both videos, I walked away with a renewed sense to make my dreams happen. I am really good at making beautiful jewelry pieces. I walk into a store, I look at the pieces, and I can make something gorgeous out of them. I’m excited to get even more detailed in my work and use bead necklaces I’ve made as well. I’m excited to see what wonderful creations I can come up with!

Everyone comment I’ve had on my sets so far has been how beautiful, gorgeous or stunning they are. That says A LOT. I am not saying this to brag in any way. I am saying this to make a point. Clearly I have something here. Clearly I am doing something right. Clearly I am doing something that catches the eye of others. I need to take that and run with it!

As I am sitting at my desk, discussing this with Mr. Divine, and setting my resolve to make my little business bloom, an email comes in. It is a lady messaging me on Etsy asking if she can pay extra to get one of my jewelry sets rush mailed to her! I wrote her back, offering to ship it out priority 2-3 day mail at not extra cost. She was thrilled, and paid for the set immediately!

Yes, that was my first ever jewelry set sale on Etsy! I cannot express in words how excited I was! I may have also cried a little. I have sold one set locally and one set on Etsy. I’ve been making these sets for 2 weeks. Just TWO WEEKS. And I’ve sold two! Maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot to some folks, but to me that bodes very well!

Successful people did not give up on their dreams. They did not quit when things got hard, or their plans weren’t going right. They kept at it. They kept their eye on the prize. They continued to work hard and deal with bumps in the road. You cannot achieve success by quitting. You cannot achieve success without doing the work. Your dreams are very much worth it! You should be able to live your dreams and make them happen! Please don’t quit on them!

Today, take the time to ask yourself what you really want in life and what you can do to make it happen. Then work at it! Don’t expect overnight changes or success. Be prepared to do a lot of hard work for a while. But don’t give up! Remember that you have people like me who support you in chasing your dreams, and who want you to succeed! Every dream, big or small, is worth it! It is worth chasing after, it is worth doing the work for, it is worth having! ❤

I am going to the store today to get pieces for a new set to make and sell. I made a deal with myself when I started this that if I sell a set, I turn right around and use some of the money from it to make a new set right away. This way I always have a good inventory available and can keep pushing sales. If you are interested, feel free to check out what I’m creating on my Etsy Shop or my Facebook page!

One major update in the next few weeks will have to be a camera. My pieces are so pretty but my phone is just not capturing the detail and the beauty enough. I think a big part of that is that it can’t zoom and the photo quality it takes. So keep an eye out for even better pics to come!

Have a wonderful and successful week every single one of you! ❤

cooltext177153714075149

You And I Deserve To Be Respected

unknown-author-color-text-cream-paper-more-chances-disrespecting-you-8w5t

Today I am going to talk about respect. Respect is vital to our lives and it is important that those in your life and in your circle respect you, as you should respect them. When there is a lack of respect for one another, there is a serious issue that needs to be looked at.

The quote above blew me away today. I went online looking for a simple quote graphic with just the last sentence and I found this one as well. It really knocked me back because it took the last sentence so much further and really pushed me to think a lot harder on what I’ve been allowing my life. I am a giver. I care and I like to do what I can for others. Yet time and time again I’ve found myself on the end of a friendship that involves me being taken and taken and taken from, with very little to nothing put back in. I end up getting used or taken advantage of, and sucked dry emotionally.

The last few months have really been an eye opener for me regarding the kind of people I’ve had around me and how much they don’t fit well in my life anymore. One of the main things that has stood out to me is how poorly the majority of them have treated me. Yet I’ve kept these friendships going because I see good in these people. Reading that picture above today really hit me hard today because it is a clear explanation of why I’ve ended up stuck in bad friendships with people who don’t respect me.

Simply put – It’s happened because I allowed it to.

Yes, that is a huge responsibility taking statement right there! I have been treated poorly time and time again because I haven’t cut it off and walked away. I have stuck around, seeing the good in a person, and hoped they would change. Yet the evidence has been 100% showing that they will not!

With all the changes in my life and this new place I am in, I am ready to let go and move on. Respect is something I deeply value and I get so little of it from those I know right now. It’s extremely saddening to me that I am valued SO little by these people! They have made that VERY clear in their actions over the last months and years. And I know that as a human being I deserve better. We all do!

That means getting up the gumption to walk away and cut ties. That’s the hardest part for me. Can you believe that I actually feel GUILTY for cutting these awful people out of my life?! I do! I seriously feel like a bad person for giving up on them, despite the fact that I mean zero to them and they gave up on me a long time ago. I shouldn’t feel guilty and neither should you! People who treat you like garbage and bring negativity into your world need to GO!! No guilt! Open the door for healthy people who bring positivity and good into your world to come into your life instead!

I know I will feel bad after I remove these people. And then I will remind myself that there was a very good reason each person was removed and I will stop feeling bad. I deserve to have a circle of people who encourage me, support me, keep their word, bring positivity in my world, are there for me, and who want the best for me. I am happy waiting to find people like that as time goes on! I’d rather have zero friends and be in a good place. Because fake friends who treat you like garbage and disrespect you will only hurt you. Don’t keep them around until you find better friends. Who you surround yourself with will affect your life. It will affect what people you attract in life. You need to let the toxic people go.

I can hear Elsa singing in the background right now, “Let it go! Let it go!” This needs to be our mantra in life. If something is not good for you and it bring negativity and toxicity into your life, LET IT GO! You have to make space for the good in life and the people who bring good into your world. You have to say goodbye to old friends you’ve had for many, many years who eat away at your heart and soul. You have to put yourself and your well-being first.

You have to let them go from your life.

You can do this.

I will be waiting until after Christmas as to not be a totally heartless ass. Then my Facebook page gets a beautiful purging! I am so excited! It gives me SO much freedom and hope to remove people from my life who do not belong in it! I know I am opening the doors to much better people and situations! I am looking forward to a new year with a very, VERY small friends list on Facebook and in real life.

2017 will be the year of NEW!

You can make that happen for you too! (^.^) You are worth having good people around! ❤

cooltext177153714075149