Let’s face it, break ups are ugly and miserable. One of the best things you can do when faced with a break up is to focus on the good coming out of it. I know that may be extremely hard to do at times, but it will be helpful to you in the long run. Even if it’s a teeny tiny good thing, focus on it and celebrate it! There are plenty of times I reminisce over the things I miss in my last relationship. There was a lot of good that I got out of it as well as a lot of bad. I try to see both sides for what they are and accept them. Most importantly, I try to learn from them.
To recover and adjust to your new life, you have to focus on the good in the life you are living NOW – not focusing the life you were living BEFORE. You aren’t in that life anymore whether you like it or not. Dwelling on the past and what was won’t get you anywhere. You have to focus on the present and on rebuilding your new life. It’s 100% YOUR life to build now! Yes, that can be utterly terrifying and difficult, but it can also be immensely exciting!
Let’s talk about some of the legitimate and hilarious reasons I love being single! Hopefully it will encourage you and maybe even make you laugh a little. 😉
I love that any mess that gets made now is mine or my kiddo’s. That means if she made it, I can tell her to clean it up with minimal attitude about it. If it’s my mess, I deal with it when I want to. No man griping at me over doing something simple I ask him to do or acting like I asked him to give birth to a unicorn…..
On the topic of cleaning, I love that I don’t get complaints about my cleaning EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I clean when I am physically able to and have the time. If my house looks like crap, oh well! I don’t get guilt trips for not cleaning after a super hectic day where I have barely been home. And I LOVE that I don’t get crap for resting! My ex would nag me every time he came home and I was sitting down. It didn’t matter if I had spent the entire day busting my butt and that was the first moment I had to rest. Noooooo, he would complain every single time no matter what! He called me “lazy” for resting. Can you believe that?! Self-care IS NOT lazy. Over-doing yourself is not healthy for you at all.
I love that there is no man hair all over my bathroom. No shaving hair, no trimmed nose or eyebrow hair, no pubes. Yes, there is long girl hair all over the place in this house. But it’s a lot easier to clean up than tiny man facial and body hair clippings! Plus, I just don’t want to clean man hair up. And now I don’t have to!
My ex had massive stomach issues, which meant he was stinking up the house weekly, sometimes even nightly. I no longer have to deal with that! It’s so wonderful not to be gagging because the house smells like dead, rotten, sewage yet again. (Seriously dude, go see a doctor.)
I am thrilled that my time is now MINE to spend as I please! I don’t have to explain where I go, feel guilty for going anywhere without my child because he always thought I’d cheat, and I can use my time as I want. No one makes me feel bad for not wanting to play video games every single night for hours on end. No one makes me feel bad for enjoying a nice evening reading a book or watching a show. It’s my down time to spend as I please, and now I get to do that without any guilt trips! I can go out with friends, go see a movie, go window shop at a store, go to a club, and the list goes on! All without anyone making me feel bad for what I do.
I get to sleep on my own schedule. I don’t have to be up at 6:30 am every morning because that’s when the man gets up. And I definitely don’t have to be up to make a lunch for him each day. I also get to stay up as late as I want, nap when I want, or go to bed early when I want. All without anyone complaining and trying to make me feel bad. I can stay up till 2 am and sleep in till 10 am if I want to!
I get to decorate how I want to! No more dark, ugly colors. My home is now full of light, soft colors. Colors that are inviting and not colors that scare off even demons…. No ugly bed patterns to match a room too. I get to decorate each room MY way and change it whenever I want to!
I don’t have to make dinner by 5 pm every single weeknight! Shoot, half the time I don’t make dinner at all anymore! No family meals anyway. I make things my kiddo likes and put them in the fridge. She helps herself when she’s hungry or makes something that she’s able to make. I eat when I am hungry and I make food that just I’ll eat because my kiddo and I have different tastes. No more family meals that everyone has to eat if they like it or not. No more having to sit at the table for meals. My ex was such a pain about that! My kiddo and I never ate at the table much before. We ate in the living room, hanging out and relaxing, enjoying our time together. No more of him griping at my kiddo for her table manners or chewing too loudly. He was so persnickety and short tempered! But no more of that!
I now decide when I have sex. Isn’t that lovely? I don’t have to put out because she’s super randy for a week or a month. I also don’t have to deal with him refusing to have sex because he’s lazy or too busy playing video games or punishing me for whatever wrong he feels I did this time. Seriously, the guy used sex and so many other things as a way to punish me regularly! Now I decide to have sex when I want to. If I don’t want to, I tell the person no. And that’s that!
I get to dress however I want now and take whatever kind of pictures I want! I am a cosplayer as well which means I dress as a variety of characters and share those pictures online. I no longer have to deal with any guilt about how I dress, how much makeup I’m wearing, or what kind of pictures I share online. I get the freedom to be ME in the way that I feel is best for ME! Cosplay has been incredibly freeing for me and has given me a passion in life again after he left. I’m truly thankful for it! If you’re interested in following my cosplay/art/gaming work, feel free to follow me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter! ❤️
I get to make my own choices now. What a lot of the things I’ve listed have in common is that I make my own decisions now and the decisions for the house. It has been a huge challenge to adjust to that, especially with how my ex left us completely financially screwed over when he walked out. That man owes us a huge debt for that, and for all the other hell he caused my child and I. But it has been really nice getting to make decisions for myself, my child, and my home all on my own. I get to be the fun, happy, outgoing, creative, relaxed person that I was before I got involved with him. I get to make my own choices without anyone making me feel bad for them. I get to raise my child how I feel is best.
My ex was a black hole of misery, hatred, bitterness, anger, and darkness. I have always been a person full of light and goodness. Over the years he sucked almost all of the good out of me. Make no mistake – YOU CAN NEVER LIFT SOMEONE UP, THEY WILL ALWAYS DRAG YOU DOWN. It was very quickly after he was gone that I felt the shift change in our home. It was like a huge cloud of heavy darkness had been lifted. Our home is now a stress free, happy, enjoyable place to be! No more misery. No more unhappiness. No more un-needed stress. No more hate. No more anger. No more negativity. No one sucking the life out of everything good anymore.
I could go on and on for a while but I’ll stop here. I hope you see how to find good in your newly single life. All of this does not change the hardship you face now one bit. What it does do is give you hope and something positive to focus on. It helps you find joy and excitement again. It gives you a chance to restore peace back to your life. Use this post as an encouragement. If you are having a really rough day, come back and read it again. Laugh at my silliness and start thinking of the things that you are thankful for about your new single life!
As always, if you need a friendly ear or some encouragement, send me a message. And trust that you will make it through this process. I won’t lie to you and tell you it will be easy. What I will tell you is that you will make it through one way or another. And there is good to be found no matter how bleak the circumstances are right now. ❤️