Relationships Will Not Make You Happier

Relationships Won't Make You Happier 1

Time and time again, I see folks posting on social media about how they are so sad because they are single. Time and time again, I want to smack them upside the head. I don’t know how many times people need to hear it, but you shouldn’t base your whole of happiness around having a partner. This is not the end game goal here. The end game goal is to be the best you possible with the best life possible. You’d be surprised just how many of the things you think will help you achieve that goal actually do not!

A study done by Lucas et al. 2003 showed a stunning fact – marriage does not increase happiness long term. Compared to happiness levels pre-marriage and after, happiness levels only increased for 1-2 years, and then dropped back down to where they were before marriage. This tells us a lot.

First – It is vital that we ensure we have a good happiness baseline before a relationship or marriage. We want to go into it as happy as possible so that way our relationship is more enjoyable and more healthy. This is also very valuable because if the relationship ends, we still walk away with a good baseline of happiness in life. We all know that relationships often aren’t forever. If you are happy person before your relationship, you will be a happy person if it ends. If you are an unhappy person who ties their happiness onto their relationship, the blow will be much harder if it ends.

Second – We really, REALLY need to stop expecting a relationship to “fix” us or magically make our lives amazing. A relationship should be viewed as icing on the cake. Your life should already be an delicious cake before you get into a relationship. It should be something you enjoy for the most part and have a lot of happiness with as it is. That way, when you meet someone special, it’s just an added bonus! You already have a life that you are happy in, now you get to add some extra goodness on top.

A relationship will not fix your issues. If you are depressed and miserable before it, you will take that into your relationship. You bring your issues into a relationship, the relationship does not magically make them all go away. This means you really need to take care of your issues before getting involved with someone. Otherwise you will be sorely disappointed when your relationship doesn’t fix everything, and you will also hurt your partner as well. That is very unfair of you to do. Fix yourself up before getting involved with another person. While none of us are perfect, we most certainly can work to be our best before getting involved with another human being.

And to really hit that message home – people are really turned off by those who don’t have their lives together, people who are an emotional mess, people who are extremely unhealthy. It’s not an attractive quality for someone who is working to improve themselves and their lives daily, and who strives to live a happy life. If you want a healthy partner, be a healthy person.

Third – Stop dumping all the responsibility for your happiness onto someone else. There is one person in particular that comes to mind because she is ALWAYS posting things on social media about her man. Things that put a ton of pressure on him, things that come off a jealous and petty, things that are very demanding. It is not you partner’s job to make you happy, nor is it the job of anyone else you know. It is YOUR job. Yes, that sucks and it’s really hard to do sometimes. There are days I want someone to swoop in and fix all my problems. Guess what? They aren’t going to! That’s my job to do.

A partner should ADD to your happiness, not be expected to provide all of it. You need to find ways to create happiness in your life. It is not up to anyone else but you to make you happy. You will end up with a very miserable partner if you continue to dump all the responsibility for your happiness on them, and more than likely they will leave you. A relationship is a partnership where two decently healthy people decide to make something of life together. They commit to being the best they can and making life the best they can. It’s a team – it’s not a dictatorship. Sorry, but you’ll have to dump the throne and the palm leaves!

So, how can you find more happiness? Here are some ways!

  • Start a gratitude journal. At the end of each day, write down a few things you are grateful for out of the day. If you have a hard time finding something, start off with writing one thing down each day. The more you do this, the more you will change your mind to pick up on the positive of situations instead of the negative. This is changing your perspective on situations and your outlook on life.
  • Write thank you notes. This seems silly in our day and age but it makes a big difference in your attitude! You can write physical thank you notes, send emails, or shoot someone a message on social media. What you are wanting to accomplish is setting your mind to pick up on the good in the people around you. When someone gives you a ride when your car broke down. When you were sick and a friend brings you soup. When someone gives you a special gift. Send them a little note to tell them that you appreciate what they did for you. Not only will it increase your happiness, but it will make the other person feel good as well! We live in a world where people aren’t appreciative as much so it will stand out to those who show you kindness.
  • Find something good in your hard situations. This is another difficult one especially if you are struggling right now. Life changes constantly and we experience many different seasons, some of which are harder than others. The goal is to find the positive in even the bleakest situations. Not only does it help you have a more positive outlook, but it also gives you more strength to keep going during tough times. When you find something positive in a situation, not all hope is lost because you were able to find good in it. This empowers you to keep moving forward.
  • Take time for you. We fill life with things that take up our time and energy, and we often forget about our own emotional needs. Set aside time for yourself daily or weekly so that you can take a little breather and recharge. Do something just for you that will relax you and help you drop off some of the stress you carry. Don’t feel guilty about telling people you aren’t available during this time! You cannot be there for others every single second, and you’re of no use to others if you are worn out and burnt out. You are important so take care of yourself!
  • Exercise. I am sure many of you are groaning while reading this. Exercise, really? Yes really! It releases endorphins which in turn increase your happiness. Even if you just go take a short walk, do SOMETHING physical. Get up and get moving daily. Not only will it make you happier, but it improves your physical health. Being healthy improves your life all around.
  • Dive into hobbies and interests that you enjoy. Do you like painting? Take a group painting class or just practice your skills at home. Do you love comics? Meet up with a group of comic fans or just spend some time browsing a comic book shop. You can find ways to enjoy these activities around others or by yourself, you just have to get creative. Having things you deeply enjoy doing will increase your happiness and it helps you create a life you enjoy living. We are wanting to have happy lives as much as possible. This is a good way to create that in your world!

What are some of the things you do to give your life more happiness?  ❤️

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Celebrate In The Joy Of Others

 

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I shared a brief version of this post on my personal Facebook page today because I repeatedly see folks complaining that others are sharing their joyful news on social media. To be very frank – this makes them look like bitter, miserable people. Who wants to be around someone like that? I sure don’t! It immediately turns me off when I see something like that. It makes me feel like those folks are not ones you could ever be happy around because they would crap all over it.

The reality is that there will be many, many times when the people around us are doing better than we are. We talk a lot about divorce and breakups here, so it is especially true for those of us who’ve recently experienced those. When you’ve just lost a relationship or marriage that you thought would be long term, it is extremely hard to see others celebrating their love and happiness. The same goes for those without jobs seeing friends talk about a promotion. Or friends who don’t have a family seeing pictures from others big family events.

But you still need to celebrate with them.

Why? For one, it is a show of love and support to the people in your life. They deserve happiness just as much as you do. When we care about someone, we want the best for them in life. If they find it, we need to be happy for them and share in their joy! This is a person that you care deeply for. They mean something to you. So you need to stop thinking about only yourself and focus on their joy. That is true friendship. Even when you are struggling, if you are willing to share in the joyful moments of those around you, that shows the amount that you care.

I make it a point to leave comments and send messages celebrating my friend’s happy moments! Is it always easy for me? NO! There are times when I physically have to swallow down my emotions of bitterness and jealousy. I do it anyway because I am determined to not let my feelings take away from their joy. And a funny thing happens when I do this….

I start to feel happier when I focus on their happiness!

Here’s what we forget – giving back is the number one way to increase happiness in your OWN life. Isn’t that crazy? You’d think that doing things for yourself would be the answer, but that actually will make you more unhappy! Putting your focus on others increases your happiness and it deepens your bond with them. It helps remind you that you are not the center of the world and that others around you deserve to be happy even if you aren’t right now. Sharing in their joy, celebrating with them, hearing them talk about it, that all increases your happiness.

I actively focus on how much I love the people in my life. So when they announce a new relationship and I’m still healing from my last one that ended badly, I am ecstatic for them! I look at what they have proudly and channel my thoughts to focus on how much they deserve it. I also think, “I’m so excited that one day I will find my own version of that happiness!” This keeps me from envying what they have because what they have is different than what is right for me. It reminds me that I may never have the happy ending that they do, but I can find my own version of that happiness that fits my life.

It is hard to have joy for others when you are going through a difficult time. But don’t become the person no one can talk to when they’re happy because you bring them down for it. Don’t be the person who rains on everyone’s parade and who only gripes about how they don’t have that. You will alienate yourself from those around you and it will only hurt you in the end.

This is a very small step you can make to impact your life, and the lives of those you care about, in a positive way. As you begin to do it regularly, it becomes habit. Those pangs will still arise sometimes. There are moments I struggle to swallow because it hurts. But they pass quickly and I’m able to focus on the joy my friends are experiencing. I am so used to being excited for my friends that it has now become second nature for me. And it can be for you as well!

Start today. Find a friend who’s sharing good news. Congratulate them and take some time to think about how great of a person they are and how happy you are for them. Think about all the ways this will benefit their life. Be excited for them! Then make it a daily practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. ❤️

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Dealing With Emotional Manipulation

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If feels like lately I’ve had to deal with a plethora of emotionally manipulative men. And to be quite honest, I’m fed up with it! Emotional manipulation is when someone tries to use your emotions, beliefs, past, memories, etc. against you. I will list a variety of examples below so you can get a good idea of the kind of folks you need to watch out for. Just yesterday I had an experience with an acquaintance trying to emotionally manipulate me and I shut that crap down.

It takes time and paying close attention to be able to pick up on it quickly. I used to tolerate a lot of mistreatment because I didn’t know what it was or why it was wrong. I knew it made me feel like garbage but I didn’t know why. I kept giving chances to people who didn’t deserve them because I didn’t understand that they were in a pattern of poor behavior that they had no interest in breaking. Even now I sometimes miss an instance of it, and only after time has passed do I realize what it was.

I am VERY proud of myself for catching yesterday’s manipulation right off the bat! I’ve had iffy vibes about this person for a while now. You HAVE TO pay attention to those feelings! If someone is giving you a bad vibe, it’s often for a very good reason. Trust yourself. Because of those vibes, I had distanced myself from this person. They were over friendly, talked to me way too much about their personal life in ways that made me feel uncomfortable, and lashed out on people on social media which I am avoiding like the plague. This person gave me an invitation, one I had repeatedly turned down previously due to those vibes, and yet again I said no. They had also included my child in the invitation and I said I didn’t want my kiddo around the folks in the local group that we’re a part of due to all the drama going on with them.

So let’s be clear – even if I had no bad vibes about this person, I have EVERY right to say no to anything I want. That’s 100% my choice. Now an emotionally healthy person would have understood and been fine with it. This person chose to emotionally manipulate me instead. They told me that I should not “isolate myself” and that it was not “healthy for me or my daughter.” Those of you who have been around emotional manipulation just had your red flags go flying up!  I knew immediately that these actions were wrong and I was not going to let it slide. I told the person they have no right to tell me what to do or not to do, and that they have no say in what’s good for me or my child. I also told them to never speak about my child again. I ignored the messages that came in from them after that as I am not interested in continuing to speak to them..

I find emotional manipulation to be disgusting in general, but I find it extra sickening when you try to drag a child into it as a tool for your manipulation. Saying no to someone doesn’t mean you are isolating yourself. It means you don’t want to be around them! I spend my time with those who benefit my life. I stay away from those who don’t, it’s that simple. And as for my daughter, I’m keeping her away from the majority of these folks because I don’t want my child around their drama or immaturity. As a parent, it’s your job to protect your children. I know that the majority of the community is very toxic and full of drama right now. These are not healthy influences for myself or my child. I have every right to not want to put my child or myself in those situations.

Let’s face it, we will run into folks like this more often than we realize! A lot of them don’t realize what they are doing because their negative behavior has become so ingrained in their daily life that they don’t realize how unhealthy it is. Some of them are fully aware of the poor behavior and just don’t give a hoot! Either way, you can either bring the behavior to their attention if you feel they are receptive to working on it, or you can cut ties with them and walk away. It’s up to you, and you’ll have to use your judgement on a per situation basis. If you do decide to hang in there to see if someone will change, set a time limit. This limits the poor treatment you will be exposed to because you will cut ties after say 3 months of no change, for example. The time limit is up to you to set, but keep your well-being in mind, and don’t expose yourself to it long term. Folks who want to change will put in the work to do so and will openly show that they want to improve. Others will lie to you and say they want to change, but that’s just to keep you around so they can continue to manipulate you. Their colors will show pretty quickly.

Now we will cover some types of emotional manipulators so you can get an idea of what to look out for. Like the person who doesn’t like it when you tell them no, so they try to guilt you for it. Make no mistake – you have EVERY right to tell someone no. If they don’t like it, tough. They have NO right to try and guilt you for doing what you feel is best for you. If they try to manipulate you for saying no, that is just a clear sign they are not a healthy person and you were right to say no! If they try to guilt you or tell you what you are doing is wrong just because you didn’t want to do what they wanted, walk away.

Or the person who always has to one up you. I deal with these people in messages on Facebook a lot. They are the folks who message me asking how I am and then immediately proceed to tell me all about how they are going through the same thing or something worse. They were never truly interested in finding out what’s going on with me, they only wanted someone to talk to about themselves. I feel like a mirror for them to look at while they talk about themselves. They will always have something better than you going on when your life is good, and something worse than you going on when you are going through struggles. This is poor communication and you will never get back anything you put in. It will always be about them and their lives.

Another type of emotional manipulator is the one who changes the events of something happening. I’ve had folks SWEAR I am remembering an event inaccurately even though I know I’m not. They are trying to change history by convincing you that you are wrong, even though they are flat out lying. Don’t fall for it! What you know happened is the true facts. They want to distort your memories and your reality to avoid responsibility and try to make you the bad guy. If someone lies and tries to change the story when you know it’s false, walk away from them.

There are also those who refuse to accept any responsibility for doing something wrong. These are the folks who say something hateful or do something hurtful, but refuse to admit they screwed up. This is a sign of emotional immaturity. And when they go out of their way to “punish” you with more mistreatment or the silent treatment, this is emotional manipulation. Being an adult means you need to take responsibility for your actions both good and bad. If you mess up, apologize and do the work to fix it. If this happens over and over, you might want to rethink your involvement with them. It is not fair or healthy for you to always have to be the bigger person, the one always forgiving and forgetting, the one always smoothing things over. It’s time for the other person to grow up and start owning up to their own behavior.

And to expand on that, a person giving the silent treatment is emotional manipulation. It is a way for a person to try and hurt you because they feel you wronged them or because you didn’t do what they wanted. It’s incredibly unhealthy and hurtful to those it’s being done to. Emotional manipulators want control and power, so silence is used a tool to gain that. Again, they are trying to “punish” you for what they feel you did, or because they made a mistake and refuse to own up to it. If a person cannot communicate with you openly after they’ve made a mistake, you will never be able to build any sort of friendship with them long term. Communication is a sign of healthy emotional well-being, the silent treatment is a sign of emotional manipulation.

Some emotional manipulators volunteer to help you out and then play the martyr. Woe is them! They give up so much, do so much, help so much. They have no problem constantly reminding you of that one time they did something for you and throwing it in your face. Or they hold it over you to guilt you into doing things for them. These people have no honest intentions. They aren’t helping others out of kindness. Don’t take help from these kind of folks unless you want to deal with the lifetime of it being thrown back in your face and used against you.

Did you know there are emotional manipulators who try to lord the facts, statistics and information they know over you in order to exert their power and sway you to their side? Yup, this is also referred to as intellectual bullying! A reasonable person doesn’t need to smother you with all their knowledge to force you to believe as they do. They present their side of things, listen to your side, and let you make your own decision. These know-it-all type folks want to convince you that they do in fact know it all! And they will convince you by force. They will argue with you at length to make to believe the way they do. There is no way to reason with them. In their mind they are right and you are wrong.

Another example is the person who is always the victim. They are never in the wrong for anything, nothing is ever their fault, life hates them, people are mean to them, blah blah blah. The huge list of people who they won’t speak to anymore? That’s all those people’s fault. They are the bad ones who did the bad things. The reason they lost their job? It’s all the boss and co-workers fault. They use their “victim” status to try and gain sympathy and use that to get things from people. They also use it as a way to avoid taking any responsibility for anything in life. These folks are unlikely to change. Keep your distance and do not engage with them.

As I’ve said, it’ takes time to pick up on the many many types of emotional manipulation but often you’ll just feel something is “off” when someone does it to you. Pay attention to that feeling! It’s your mind telling you that what the other person is doing is WRONG. Stand up for yourself and cut that nonsense off! It is better to walk away from those people than it is to be stuck with them adding toxicity to your life day in and day out. Your mental well-being is worth more than that! It is much better to have a smaller group of friends than it is to have a bunch of friends who mistreat you regularly. Being around toxic people will literally suck the life out of you. Walk away.

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You Cannot Build A Positive Life Filled With Negative People

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Let’s get real – I am not perfect! I struggle with a lot of the same things you do  Today, for example, I was dealing with some melancholy and sadness for a bit. No idea why I felt either because it was a really fruitful day for me! Yet the emotions came up, so I decided to acknowledge them, and then move forward when I felt ready. I often struggle with regret and wondering if I could have done something better. I deal with sadness over situations where the other person really could have done better and been better. There are a lot of hiccups I face of a monthly, weekly, and sometimes daily basis!

One such issue that has come up often for me is allowing negative people into my life and not giving them the boot when I realize how bad for my world they are. Part of the reason for this is because I’m what’s commonly termed an “empath,” which simply means I feel things very deeply and connect to people deeply. I also have a strong desire to help others and better the world. That has often put me in a boat of getting used and taken advantage of.  I give people the benefit of the doubt and I believe they want to be the best them possible. This is sometimes not the case.

The sad truth is that a lot of people don’t want to improve themselves. They don’t want to be the best version of them possible. They don’t want to work on their flaws or make improvements. These are the folks you have to watch out for. These are the ones who will only add negativity to your life. The drama starters. The immature. The can’t keep a job folks. The leeches. The victims of the world. The users. The liars. The gossipers. The angry at everything folks. And the list goes on.

Basically anyone who is adding negativity to your life on a regular basis – THEY NEED TO GO.

“But they are my friend/co-worker/cousin etc!” It doesn’t matter. You cannot create a positive life with negative people in it. There are many negative folks that you will have to deal with in one form or another throughout life. You may have a boss who is angry 24/7. Your mother may be a constant victim of everything in the world happening to her. You do have choices in those situations. You can distance yourself from toxic family members. Yes it can be difficult, but how much will your life benefit having that black cloud of yuck gone?? Same with your job. It may be very difficult to find a new one, but how much does your happiness and well-being really mean to you??

The one thing I can count on is that every time a negative person enters my world, it suddenly gets a lot less enjoyable. These folks may not mean to, but they suck the life out of you and dampen your joy. This is not only unhealthy for you, but it’s also unfair! Why are you continuing to subject yourself to that? YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE NEGATIVE PEOPLE IN YOUR WORLD!

You are reading this for a reason. You want a happy life. You want to enjoy your daily living. You want to be around people with the same ideas and positive outlook. So stop allowing people into your world who only bring negativity! I understand that a lot of times we hope we can be a good influence and lift them up into a better way of living. Rarely have I seen that happen. In fact, I can count the times I’ve seen that in all my years on one hand. 95% of the time they will drag you down while you try to lift them up. They have to decide to better themselves when they are willing to do it.

That old cheesy quote – “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” – is 100% spot on! You cannot help people who want to help themselves. And most of the toxic folks you meet will not want to help themselves. They want to vent to you, use you, take things out on you, and suck the joy from your life. Don’t allow them!

You are building an AMAZING life for yourself. You are working hard to improve your world and bring good into it. Think of it as a sand castle built on the beach. You can spend hours working hard, adding in the incredible detail, and making it something that takes your breath away. But one bucket of water can destroy it all. Even if it damages just a part of your castle, you still have to do more work to repair it. Think of those folks as buckets of water that pour out water on your castle every week. As soon as you get your castle looking spectacular, they dump on it and create a mess. Once again, you fix it up and here they come to ruin it again.

How important to you is your castle?
How important is you mental health and well-being?
How important is your sanity and your peace of mind?
How important is your happiness and your joy?
How important to you is your life?

These are the questions you have to ask yourself when it comes to deciding who stays and who goes from your life. What is all that worth to you? Are you really willing to give that up for a person who does nothing but harms your world and brings problems to it?

You will face this situation many times in your life. Keep yourself focused on your goals and you will be able to remove those people because you know that’s what is best for you. Work on picking up the signs of a person like that earlier on so you can avoid some of the stress and heartache. Remind yourself that you ARE strong enough to walk away, no matter how close you have become. If you keep working on those things, it will begin to get easier for you to handle when it comes up. You won’t hesitate as much about cutting ties with someone you see is a toxic influence. You’ll feel proud of yourself for recognizing it for what it is, and you should be! Bettering yourself and your life is ALWAYS something to be proud of.

You have to put your well-being first. You are important and you deserve a healthy life!

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Know When To Fold Em

A lot has changed in the last month. My ex left a month ago. So much has gone on since then, most of it good. I’ve learned A LOT and I am thankful for each lesson. I feel like I can speak from such a different place now at a month than I could at a week.

First off – I am GLAD that it is over. As more time has passed, I’ve realized just how horrible of a human I was with. I cannot believe I stayed as long as I did. I think that people who are more empathetic and those who want to help others can often fall prey to people like that. You want to help them, love them, and take care of them – like puppy you rescue from the pound. The problem is that these are people who are content to be broken and damaged. THEY DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE. These are people who would rather suck the life, joy and love out of everyone around then rather than get help to be a better person. That’s a pretty disturbing realization!

Some people cannot be helped or saved. Some people are just never going to be kind or caring or loving. Please do not waste any of your time and energy on them. I know that sounds very harsh, but in reality most of them will be a waste to put anything into. You might get lucky and make it work for a bit, or you might get lucky and find 1 out of the 100 that you can actually help. The chances aren’t high. You will lose a lot of yourself in the process as well.

I lost most of myself in my past relationship. I had the life sucked out of me. My joy and happiness were stolen. I was absolutely miserable. I stayed because I took my commitment seriously and I wanted to give our little family a fair chance. While I am thankful for the bits of good that we gained from it, I honestly feel I never should have stayed… I saw red flags from week one. Yet I stayed. I was determined to be the one who loved and stuck with this extremely damaged man.

And I suffered the consequences for my choice.

Thankfully, he left. I really lucked out! Now I am FREE. I get to rebuild my life on MY terms. What happens in my world is up to ME. Everything is a choice and I get to be the one making them. For the first time in years, I am truly happy again! I have gone through the grieving process because it’s normal to grieve something you’ve lost even if it was very unhealthy. I started counseling to ensure I never end up with someone like him again. I started reading articles online about making wise choices with relationships, as well as ones that give you a list of red flags to look out for.

I’ve started socializing again and that has had a HUGE impact on my life! I’ve now gone to two comicon events locally in just the span of a month! And I loved it!! (^.^) I always wanted to go but I was with someone who made excuses all the time. Now there is nothing keeping me from doing something I love! I’ve won prizes for my cosplays at both events, and the last one I even won first place!! How incredible is that?! None of that would have ever happened if he hadn’t left. I would have missed out on so much life!

I’ve made almost 50 friends in the last month as well. Cosplayers, mutual friends of friends, old friends, photographers, geeks, ladies from the 310 Community. I’ve gotten to meet so many new and amazing people, and reconnect with people I knew before! I’m building new relationships and bonds with HEALTHY people who respect me, appreciate me, and treat me kindly. It’s a little bit of shell shock after spending years with someone the opposite of that! But it’s a great kind of shell shock. (^.^) I’m now experiencing life as it’s meant to be. Life SHOULD be fun and exciting and filled with great people and a lot of joy!

I’ve got exciting plans for my future and I look forward to each day now. I’m taking new opportunities and chances, and I’m only gaining positive things from doing so! I got to make my dream come true of hand making a super detailed and accurate cosplay for a character I love! I’m also starring in a friend’s short film, and it’s a horror flick slasher style which is so fun! What a neat thing to be able to cross off my bucket list!

I am sharing all of this for a reason – I want the same for YOU. I want to be able to use what I went through to help you make better choices for yourself. You deserve to be happy and surrounded by healthy people just as much as I do! I know you can do it for yourself because I did it. No, it is not easy to change your whole world. But the rewards from doing so are endless! Most importantly, you will have true joy in your life and you need that. Life is not about suffering or being a martyr. It’s about taking care of you and those you care about in a healthy way.

A toxic person is not worth being a martyr for!

In the end, we only have so many years alive. Don’t waste yours on people who are negative life sucking monsters. Don’t give them any of you. If you already have one in your life, take some time and really think about if it’s a healthy person for you to be involved with. Make sure you aren’t sacrificing 100% of yourself for this person. You should never have to give up all of who you are for someone else.

You are strong enough to walk away from toxic people. I know you are amazing and I know you can do it. Build the life you’ve always wanted. Build a life of happiness, peace, joy, laughter, and amazing memories! You have every right to have a life like that! You can make your world whatever you want it to be. Every choice is up to you.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message or email me. I am happy to encourage you on your journey to better things! Sometimes we just need someone else to remind us how amazing and strong we really are. And you my friend, are both! <3

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It’s Time To Say Goodbye

I sit here at my desk, eating chocolate, and saying goodbye.

I’ve reached that place where I’m fully letting go of so much. I feel 2017 is the year of change – and I really need to start embracing that. I can’t keep holding onto how things were. I can’t keep holding onto the past or the ways I used to do things. Everything has changed, and is currently changing. I have to be in that moment, fully present in it.

It’s time to say goodbye.

The song of that name from the RWBY soundtrack was playing in my head my whole drive home this afternoon. It just felt like the theme song to everything right now. Following that is the song, This Will Be the Day, also from RWBY.

I’ve known since the end of last year that things were changing in my life A LOT. I could see it, feel it. Friendships were ending. Life was changing. Career paths unsure. New memories being made. Dreams being realized.

Today was yet another reminder of how much life changes. I said goodbye to an old friend who I drifted apart from a long time ago. Her moving felt like the final goodbye for me. I got a little closure and got to send her best wishes on her new journey in life.

I was saddened by it, but I also felt we were very different people and had very different lives now. And it reminded me how much I’ve seen that in relationships in the last year. I’ve grown and changed so much, and now I’m seeing the evidence in the goodbyes happening in life.

I have to be accepting of this though. These are things that NEED to happen. I have grown apart from these people and it’s not right for them to be in my world anymore. It pains me so much, but I can’t cling to what I know isn’t right for either of us.

When we refuse to let go, we hold ourselves back from new doors opening in our world. We hinder ourselves by desperately grabbing onto what you want things to be instead of what they are. We aren’t getting to see all that is out there for us.

It hurts when things change. It hurts to say goodbye. It hurts when doors close. It hurts when everything is different. But you have to focus on the good behind it. Things change so new things can bloom in your life. You have to remember that and find a peace about letting go. The sadness and hurt is temporary. Put your focus on the exciting unknown to come! Open yourself up to possibility and new dreams.

Right now I am going to cry, because the hurt is there and I am grieving my goodbyes. Tomorrow I will wake up and look forward to all of what is to come, and embrace all of these new changes in life. I will be excited for all the wonderful possibilities out there for me! I will have hope and faith in the future. I will open myself for new experiences and willingly embrace the newness.

But today, today I am going to eat chocolate while I listed to RWBY songs and cry. ❤