A lot has changed in the last month. My ex left a month ago. So much has gone on since then, most of it good. I’ve learned A LOT and I am thankful for each lesson. I feel like I can speak from such a different place now at a month than I could at a week.
First off – I am GLAD that it is over. As more time has passed, I’ve realized just how horrible of a human I was with. I cannot believe I stayed as long as I did. I think that people who are more empathetic and those who want to help others can often fall prey to people like that. You want to help them, love them, and take care of them – like puppy you rescue from the pound. The problem is that these are people who are content to be broken and damaged. THEY DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE. These are people who would rather suck the life, joy and love out of everyone around then rather than get help to be a better person. That’s a pretty disturbing realization!
Some people cannot be helped or saved. Some people are just never going to be kind or caring or loving. Please do not waste any of your time and energy on them. I know that sounds very harsh, but in reality most of them will be a waste to put anything into. You might get lucky and make it work for a bit, or you might get lucky and find 1 out of the 100 that you can actually help. The chances aren’t high. You will lose a lot of yourself in the process as well.
I lost most of myself in my past relationship. I had the life sucked out of me. My joy and happiness were stolen. I was absolutely miserable. I stayed because I took my commitment seriously and I wanted to give our little family a fair chance. While I am thankful for the bits of good that we gained from it, I honestly feel I never should have stayed… I saw red flags from week one. Yet I stayed. I was determined to be the one who loved and stuck with this extremely damaged man.
And I suffered the consequences for my choice.
Thankfully, he left. I really lucked out! Now I am FREE. I get to rebuild my life on MY terms. What happens in my world is up to ME. Everything is a choice and I get to be the one making them. For the first time in years, I am truly happy again! I have gone through the grieving process because it’s normal to grieve something you’ve lost even if it was very unhealthy. I started counseling to ensure I never end up with someone like him again. I started reading articles online about making wise choices with relationships, as well as ones that give you a list of red flags to look out for.
I’ve started socializing again and that has had a HUGE impact on my life! I’ve now gone to two comicon events locally in just the span of a month! And I loved it!! (^.^) I always wanted to go but I was with someone who made excuses all the time. Now there is nothing keeping me from doing something I love! I’ve won prizes for my cosplays at both events, and the last one I even won first place!! How incredible is that?! None of that would have ever happened if he hadn’t left. I would have missed out on so much life!
I’ve made almost 50 friends in the last month as well. Cosplayers, mutual friends of friends, old friends, photographers, geeks, ladies from the 310 Community. I’ve gotten to meet so many new and amazing people, and reconnect with people I knew before! I’m building new relationships and bonds with HEALTHY people who respect me, appreciate me, and treat me kindly. It’s a little bit of shell shock after spending years with someone the opposite of that! But it’s a great kind of shell shock. (^.^) I’m now experiencing life as it’s meant to be. Life SHOULD be fun and exciting and filled with great people and a lot of joy!
I’ve got exciting plans for my future and I look forward to each day now. I’m taking new opportunities and chances, and I’m only gaining positive things from doing so! I got to make my dream come true of hand making a super detailed and accurate cosplay for a character I love! I’m also starring in a friend’s short film, and it’s a horror flick slasher style which is so fun! What a neat thing to be able to cross off my bucket list!
I am sharing all of this for a reason – I want the same for YOU. I want to be able to use what I went through to help you make better choices for yourself. You deserve to be happy and surrounded by healthy people just as much as I do! I know you can do it for yourself because I did it. No, it is not easy to change your whole world. But the rewards from doing so are endless! Most importantly, you will have true joy in your life and you need that. Life is not about suffering or being a martyr. It’s about taking care of you and those you care about in a healthy way.
A toxic person is not worth being a martyr for!
In the end, we only have so many years alive. Don’t waste yours on people who are negative life sucking monsters. Don’t give them any of you. If you already have one in your life, take some time and really think about if it’s a healthy person for you to be involved with. Make sure you aren’t sacrificing 100% of yourself for this person. You should never have to give up all of who you are for someone else.
You are strong enough to walk away from toxic people. I know you are amazing and I know you can do it. Build the life you’ve always wanted. Build a life of happiness, peace, joy, laughter, and amazing memories! You have every right to have a life like that! You can make your world whatever you want it to be. Every choice is up to you.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message or email me. I am happy to encourage you on your journey to better things! Sometimes we just need someone else to remind us how amazing and strong we really are. And you my friend, are both! <3
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